Love Hurts
by scouse2006
Summary: A/U angst fic! please read
1. Chapter 1

-1I am not sure if i should continue with this or not so i dedicided so see what the responce to it was like and then decide after.

Please let me know what you think, if i should continue or bin this thing.

Thank you to my amazing beta chewy! Love ya girly!!

Ok this is AU and I'm going to say PG13

Chapter 1

There was a time in my life when I thought it couldn't get any more perfect. I had the loving, doting most beautiful wife in the world. Two absolutely amazing children. I had everything I ever wanted. The beautiful home, with everything in it that money could buy. I got to stay at home with the kids while my wife was out making money doing a job that she loved. She loved going to work to provide me and the kids with anything we ever wanted. I wanted a vacation, I got it. I wanted a new car, I got it. Anything I wanted she got me no questions asked.

We got together in high school at the age of 16. She got her record deal at the age of 18 straight out of high school. I went to UCLA to study psychology and she through herself into recording her first album. She got her first number 1 single and album at the age of 19. She went on her first world tour at the age of 20. She received her first Grammy at 21 and she has received many since. She proposed to me at 22 and I accepted. I graduated from UCLA at 23 with a PhD in Psychology. She bought and opened my own office in downtown LA. My dream and she gave it to me. We married at 24. We had the most beautiful twins Molly and Mitchell at 25. For the whole of the pregnancy, she was at my side, from day one of finding out until the day I gave birth. For the first 8 months she only did shows in and around California, to which she either tool me along or made sure that someone was in the house with me at all times, which was usually Kyla. After that, she cancelled everything she had and spent it by my side never letting me out of her sight. Never letting me lift a finger. She did everything, and watching her trying to figure out how to use a vacuum was very amusing. When the twins came along she was the doting mother. For the first year, she took time off from her music to just spend time with me and her kids. 6 months ago, she went back to her music. And three months ago, she changed. She changed not for the better. Now at the age of 26 she is well on her way to becoming another statistic of the rock and roll life style.

She has been away for a month promoting songs for her upcoming album. Tonight will be the first time I have seen her and spoke to her in 30 days. The last time I saw her she was so off her face I am surprised she managed to stand let alone walk out of here. The last time I saw her we had a major fight over her behaviour. The last time I saw her she attempted to hit me. She only missed because she was so off her face.

I hear the front door shut and I stand up from our bed. I walk to the bedroom door, place my hand on the handle and take a deep breath before I open it. I hope that she is sober. I hope that she is not high. I hope she is the woman I fell in love with ten years ago.  
I wonder if she even remembers what today is? Today we have been together for ten years and married for two. Yes, we got married on our anniversary. She thought it would make it even more romantic. So did I.

I open the door and walk down the hall. I make it to the top of the stairs and I notice her at the bottom about to make her way up. She stops and looks up at me and smiles. That warm loving smile, the one that reaches right to her eyes and makes her nose-crinkle. The smile I miss so much. And in that moment I know that, she is sober. That she is not high. And I cannot help but smile back at the genuine love I see radiating of her. The genuine love that I haven't seen for the past few months. She holds her hand out towards me beckoning me to her. I don't hesitate and I all but run down the stairs and into her waiting arms. She wraps her arms around my waist. And I wrap mine around her neck. I rest my head in the crook of her neck and place kisses to the golden skin there. She just wraps her arms around me even tighter.

"I am so, so sorry baby. I love you so much and I have been a total ass to you."

"Shh, it's ok. I am just happy that you are home right now. I don't want to talk about all that now."

She pulls back from me a little to look in my eyes. Her arms never leaving my waist and mine her neck

"I've missed you." she says and her lips are on mine. Her soft. Soft lips that I have missed so much. I cannot help but moan as her tongue traces my bottom lip. I open my mouth and grant her access right away. Her tongue is soon massaging mine inside my mouth. Our tongues battle for a few minutes until I pull away. Needing to breathe becoming an issue.

"I have missed you to. So much. I am so glad that you are home."

"Where are the twins? I have missed them."

"They are staying at my parents for the night. I thought we should spend some time together." As soon as I say that the smile seems to disappear from her face.

"What the fuck did you say to your parents Spencer? Did you tell them that we had been having problems?" She growls at me.

"No! I just thought with it being you first night back and our anniversary that we could just spend it together." I say and walk away from her and into the lounge. So much for having my Ash back.

She walks up behind me and snakes her arms around my waist. She kisses me on the cheek and rests her head on my shoulder.

"I am sorry baby. I didn't mean to snap at you. I'm just tired."

"That seems to be your excuse every time you snap at me. Which seems to be a lot." I say as I try to get out of her grasp, but she just hold on to me tighter. "Ash let me go!" I say wiggling more, but again she just holds me tighter.

"No Spence. Stop moving for fuck sake!" She forcefully turns me around in her arms and grabs my wrists to try to stop me moving.

"Ash you hurting me. Please let go." I wiggle more. Then relent because her grip is to strong and hurts too much.

"If you don't fight me it will not hurt. Why do you want to get away from me all of a sudden?"

"I don't."

"You do."

"I just want you to let go of me. You are hurting me Ash." I say and I can't help the tears that start to spill from my eyes. She quickly lets go of my wrists and starts to brush my tears away.

"Don't cry baby. Please. I am so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you." I look into her eyes and my Ash is back. But I wonder for how long. She gently takes hold of my wrists and sees the red marks that are there. She gently kisses them and then looks back up at me. I can see the tears in her eyes. "Baby I am so fucking sorry. I truly didn't mean to hurt you. You have to believe me." And I do. I do believe her.

I mimic the action she did previously and wipe her tears away. "I believe you baby. I know you didn't. I know that you would never hurt me on purpose."

She leans in and gives me a kiss and I can feel the love radiating through it. She pulls back a minute or so later.

"I have something for you." She says smiling.

"What is it?" I love presents. Especially presents from her.

"Just wait a minute." She gives me a peck on the lips and walks back out of the lounge into the hallway. I can here her rummaging in her bags.

"Do you want something to drink babe!?" I shout as I head into the kitchen.

"Just a soda please!" I hear her shout back.

I walk in to the kitchen, get two glasses out, and fill them with some ice. I grab two cokes out of the refrigerator, and take them with the glasses back into the lounge. Ash is already back in there sitting on the sofa. I hand her a glass and a soda and put mine down on the table. She opens her soda, fills her glass, and takes a long drink. She then puts it down on the table and pats the seat next to her. I smile and sit next to her giving her a kiss on the cheek, for no other reason than I can. She smiles that nose-crinkling smile again and the love is radiating off her. She leans in and pecks me on the lips. I can't help the contented sigh that escapes my lips.

"Happy anniversary baby." She hands me a long rectangle red velvet box.

"Baby I …" She cuts me off.

"Open it baby." She says with a huge smile.

I open it and inside is a beautiful white gold bracelet with a heart attached to it covered in diamonds.

"Ash this is beautiful."

"Look on the back of the heart"

There inscribed on the back of the heart is a quote by one of my favourite poets John Keats. The inscription read

_'A thing of beauty is joy forever.'_

"You like it?" She asks nervously

"Of course I like it baby. I love it." I lean in and give her a loving kiss.

"I love you." I whisper.

"I love you too baby so, so much"

"I feel really bad Ash. It's our anniversary and I didn't get you anything. I was…" Her kissing me cuts of me.

"Don't Spence. Don't feel bad. I have everything I could have ever wanted sitting in front of me."

"I still should have got you something. I was just so mad at you when you left. I forgot all about it until this morning when my mom offered to have the twins tonight to let us have space."

"Baby its ok. I don't need you to buy me anything. As long as I have you and the twins what else do I need?"

"I love you." That was all I could think to say at that moment. And I do I love her more than anything.

But she is starting to scare me. I hate to say it but she really is. Tonight was the second time that she has been violent towards me. The first time I kinda brushed it off because she was so drunk and so high, I believed she didn't know what she was doing. But tonight, she's not drunk and she's not high. Tonight she physically hurt me. My wrists have little purple bruises appearing from where she grabbed me. You are probably wondering why I just seemed to let it go after she started to cry? Why I didn't make it into something? I am not really all that sure. I know I probably should have said something. Something more than you are hurting me. After she let go I should have said something. But the look in her eyes, I know she didn't mean it. I know she truly loves me. I know she would never hurt me on purpose. I do know that she has a problem. I don't know why she has a problem but I intend to find out. And I intend to help her. Before I become a state statistic in domestic abuse

please leave me some feedback even if it is just to say its shit and should be deleted! I will love ya for it!

scouse AKA Kayla 


	2. Chapter 2

I really do not know what is happening with her. She is starting to scare me more and more. I do not understand or see who she is anymore. I hate to think it, but I don't. I feel like I am living with a stranger. Not my wife and mother to my children.

She will not talk to me. She does not tell me anything lately. I want my Ash back. I want the Amazing wife and mother to my children back. I miss her so, so much. She may be at home and not on tour, but this is worse. It feels like she is a million miles away. She has been home for two weeks. Fourteen whole days. But it feels like I have only seen my Ashley for about five of those days. I hate to say it but she has been a complete bitch to me.

The night she came home, after the incident of her grabbing me, she went back to my Ash. The one that I fell in love with and married. That evening we ordered take out, sat, and talked most of the night away. She told me funny stories of stuff that happened on the road and I loved it.

I know her passion is music, and I know that she loves the touring. I love seeing her face light up when she is talking about it, but I despise what it's turning her into. Yes, I blame the music industry for taking my Ash away. I know she is stressed. She always is stressed when she is recording a new album and promoting the upcoming release of it. It happened with her first album; however, she did not get aggressive towards me. Yes, she was moody and snapped at me some, but that was all.

It's just since she started recording this album that she has been drinking, to excess in my opinion. Do not get me wrong, I do not mind her having a drink. But every time she does, she is getting extremely drunk and just passing out wherever. I went to leave the house a couple of months ago, not long after she started recording the album, I opened the door to find her passed out on our porch, when I woke her up she gave the excuse that she didn't have her keys and didn't want to knock and wake me or the twins up. I knew she had her keys because I had handed her them as she left the house the previous afternoon.

Plus, she has started taking drugs again recently. She will not admit it, but I am not stupid. I can see it in her eyes when she is high. Every time I ask her, she just snaps and says I am being stupid.

I want her to realize that her drinking is becoming a problem. I want her to see what she is doing. What she is doing to our relationship and me. I am getting tired of her taking whatever it is going on with her out on me.

She came home the other night, or should I say the other morning. She told me she was going in to the studio to work on a new song she had wrote and that she would be back by 7pm for dinner. So I cooked dinner expecting her home. By 9pm, she still had not turned up. I tried phoning her and all I got was her voice mail. I know how she gets when she gets into the studio, she always loses track of time, but she always calls to tell me she is going to not be home at that time. I do not mind, but I did not receive a phone call that night. She turned up at 4am drunk off her ass. She woke me up all full of apologies and then tried initiating sex. To say I was pissed would be an understatement. So then, because I would not have sex with her she got annoyed. This got me even more annoyed and upset. Seriously, she walks in nine hours after she said she would, drunk of her ass and she expects me to lie down and let her have some fun. I don't think so. Anyway, we ended up having a very intense argument. I told her I was sick of the way she was behaving and that it was not just her she had to think about. That she has a wife and children to think about. Which in return she told me that she did not know getting married and having kids had to result in her giving up her life. Basically, it ended up with me shouting that I have never asked her to give up her life. I was the one that stopped doing the job I love to stay home with the children and let her keep doing what she loved to do. In the end, it ended up with her grabbing me again, and me shoving her to get her off of me. Which then resulted in her forcefully shoving me into the wall. I know she realizes what she did, I saw it in her eyes. She also seemed to sober up immediately. I tried so hard right there and then to not let the tears fall, but I couldn't keep them in. She came right up to me full of apologies trying to hold me. I could not let her. I did not want her touching me at that point. In fact, I did not want her anywhere near me which I told her in no uncertain terms to get out and away from me. She apologized one more time and left. I laid in bed that night and cried until the sun came up.

I am at a loss of what to do. I get the feeling that this is only the start of it and whatever it is going to get worse before it gets better.

I do not want to do it. But if she does not sort herself out soon, I will leave. That is going to be the last resort, but I refuse to raise my children in a home with an abusive parent. I know she would never hurt the twins. She would give her own life before she did that. I even know that she would never intentionally hurt me. This is why I know that something is wrong. Ash has always been known for having a short temper, which is no secret. But lately she is seeing red far too easily. I know the alcohol is playing a big part in that.

I do not know if I should talk to my dad about it. I do not intend to tell him about her being physically aggressive towards me. I just want to tell him about her drinking and see what he thinks. See if he can help me convince her that she has a problem, and I am not just overreacting. I may have to mention that her temper has gotten shorter in recent months, but I am pretty sure that it is do to with the alcohol. I do not want her to be mad at me though if I speak to him. Maybe I can just speak to him and ask him not to mention it to Ash. See what advice he can give me. I know that he will want to help her and me. He thinks the world of her. He loves her as if she is his own daughter.

I know one thing for certain. I refuse to sit back and watch her destroy herself. To destroy this marriage, this relationship that we fought so hard for against my mum. I refuse to let her destroy me, and I refuse to let her destroy our children's childhood.


	3. Chapter 3

So Ash is at the studio right now. She has been working non-stop for the past week. I haven't really seen her. When I have been getting up she has been asleep, I see her for a few minutes and then she is out the door back to the studio and when she gets home I am asleep. The few times that I have actually seen her this week, she has either been in a really bad mood after a bad session or drunk. Or both. It really is starting to piss me off the way she is treating me. She is treating me like some piece of shit on the ground, not her wife and the person she is supposed to love.

We are supposed to be going to my parent's house tonight for dinner. As long as Ash gets home on time. We have to leave at 5:30 and it like 4:45 now. She had better hurry up if she plans to shower first.

"Hey baby I'm home."

"Hey Ash. Can you go shower or what ever? We have to leave in like 30 minutes."

"Don't I at least get a kiss first?" she asks pouting at me.

"Of course you do baby." I say as I lean in and give her a gentle kiss. I immediately pull back when I taste the alcohol on her lips. "You've been drinking Ash. You promised you wouldn't drink today."

"Baby I only had a couple with the guys. I'm not even drunk."

"And what just because you're not drunk tonight you think that makes it better? You promised Ash. You told me you wouldn't have any and you went back on your word."

"Spence I had two fucking beers! What is the big fucking deal?"

"Don't you dare start raising your voice at me Ashley Davies! Just because you know that your in the wrong."

"I will raise my fucking voice if I fucking want to Spencer!" she's right in my face now.  
"All you do is fucking nag at me. I said I wouldn't come home drunk so we can go to your fucking stupid parents' house and I haven't and you still fucking complain!"

"Ash just calm down." I say as I take a step back from her. "You're going to scare the twins." I gesture to the twins sat on the floor in the living room playing with toys.

"Kitchen now!" she growls out and walks towards the kitchen. I take a deep breath and follow her.

I tentatively mimic her footsteps to the kitchen and wait for the verbal assault to begin as I walk through the door.

"What is your fucking problem Spencer?" Is she serious? My problem?

"I'm not the one with the problem Ashley! You are!" I say exasperated.

"I have got a problem? Are you fucking serious? Did you ever think it could be your constant whining and mothering me that is the fucking problem?"

"My mothering you? I haven't been mothering you Ashley. I have been worried about my wife because I know she has a problem and won't admit it."

"How have I Spencer? All I have done is have a couple of drinks with the band after work! Why is that so fucking bad?" Her anger seems to be deflating slightly.

"You do Ash, and I wish you could see what it is doing to you, to me, to us. You're constantly drinking, coming home drunk and I know your using drugs."

"For fuck sake Spencer!" Her anger is back tenfold now. Good going Spence. "I am not using drugs, and I am not always coming home drunk! Fine maybe I have this past week but that's just because I have been unwinding with the guys after a hard day! There is fucking nothing wrong in that!"

I wish I could make her see that even if she doesn't think she has a problem now it's not going to be long before she does have a problem.

She steps right up in to my face again. "I'm sorry I shouted baby." She cannot be serious.

She pulls me in to her and starts kissing and sucking on my pulse point, she brings her hands down to cup my ass.  
I bring my hands up and try to push her back a little. "Ash, stop." I breathe out.  
She moves her hands to my hips and slowly pushes me back until my back connects with the island in the middle of the kitchen. She moves her hands from my hips, sliding them under my tank and starts to rub small circles on the small of my back.

"Ash stop it, we have to go." I say as I try to push her away again.

She moves her mouth up and starts to nibble on my ear lobe. "You just make me so mad sometimes." she whispers against the shell of my ear "but I don't mean to shout at you, I love you." Then she bites down on my ear. I let out a small gasp and she must mistake this for compliance as she moves her right hand to the button on my jeans.

"Ash stop it please." I push at her again but she just pushes more of her body weight against me holding me firmly in place.

"Shh baby, just relax and enjoy." she whispers as she starts to suck on my pulse point again.

"Ash stop this please. I don't want it."

"Yes you do. You just don't want to be late and we won't be! I promise. Now relax and enjoy." She says expertly popping the button on my jeans with one hand and pulls down the zip.

This cannot be happening. I said no and she is still doing it. This constitutes as rape. Oh my god I am about to be raped by my wife.  
I cant help the tears that start to fall. "Ash please stop this. I don't want it. PLEASE!" the last part comes out as a sob.

"Shh Spence." she says just before she bites down hard on my shoulder.

"Ow!" Fuck that hurt! I think she may have broke the skin, there is definitely gonna be a mark left there.  
"Stop! Please stop this Ash." I say as I continue struggling against her.

She doesn't say anything as she slips her hand into my jeans and starts to rub my clit through my panties.

I cannot believe this is happening.

I need to get out of this right now.

I start to struggle against her more.

"Please stop." I manage to sob out.

She removes her hand from my jeans. Thank god. I have to move but she holds me against the island again and plunges her hand back in my jeans, this time slipping it under my panties. She starts to furiously rub at my clit with her right hand as she brings her left down and into my jeans to cup my ass.

This is so wrong. Why is she doing this?

She moves her left hand to my hip while her right is still rubbing my clit.  
I bring my right hand up to her shoulder while my left hand grabs hold of her right wrist. I wrench her hand from my jeans and shove her by the shoulder. She stumbles back looking up at me with angry brown eyes.

"What the fuck Spencer?" she growls out.

"What is wrong with you?" I ask trying to get my crying under control.

"What is wrong with me?" She pauses momentarily "You're the one that just shoved me away when I was trying to get you off."

"I said No!" I yell. My voice cracks to barely more than a whisper "You just tried to rape me Ash."

"Don't be stupid Spence, I wouldn't do that."

"No means no Ash. I said no. You should have stopped, but no, you just kept going."

I turn and head towards the living room but she grabs my wrist to stop me.

"Don't touch me." I flinch as I yank my arm out of her grip.

"I'm sorry Spence. I didn't hear you. You never say no so I wasn't listening for it."

She edges towards me but I take a step back. I don't want her touching me right now because I know if she does, I will hit her.

"Don't, I can't be near you right now. I'll take the twins and spend the night at my parent's house."

"No. You stay here, I'll spend the night at a hotel."

With that, she stalks past me into the living room. I follow her and watch as she says goodbye to the twins. Standing she slowly walks towards me, stopping a fair distance away. I can see a lone tear trickle down her cheek and I want so badly to reach out and wipe it away. But I can't. She made it that way!

"I'm sorry." she whispers and with that, walks away. I hear the front door close behind her.

I can't believe it has come to this! I hope that now she will see that she has a problem, because if she doesn't, I don't think I can stay with her. In fact, I know I won't. For the sake of the children, I won't. I can't.


	4. Chapter 4

It has been two weeks since the night Ash tried to rape me. I don't like saying rape but that is technically what it was. I did say no, and she still tried to force it on me. Maybe she didn't hear me say no because she was so caught up in the moment? Maybe she didn't hear me say no because she didn't want to hear it? Or maybe she was right and she didn't hear me say no because I never say it so she wasn't listening for it? But she at least should have looked up at me when I started to push her away. I know that if she started to push me away I would stop in an instant to see if she was ok. Whatever it is, it's over and done with now. It is in the past so I need to stop dwelling on it.

The next day after she came home, she has been acting like the woman that I fell in love with. She is back to my Ash. The Ash that I have missed so much.

I was sitting in the living room on the sofa just flicking through the channels when I heard the front door open and close. I was apprehensive to see what she was going to be like when she walked through that living room door.

_I hear the living room door open but I don't look away from the TV screen. I don't know if I really want to look at her right now. I don't think I even want to hear what she has to say._

"_Baby?" I hear her tentatively whisper. _

_I don't answer and I still don't bother to look up at her. I hear her start walking towards me until she is stood directly in front of me. Blue meet brown for less than a second and I can see the sorrow and regret in her eyes. It makes me want to jump up and hug her and tell her everything is ok that it is going to be ok. But I just can't. Not yet. I can't forgive her so easily this time. If I hadn't have had the strength to push her off she would have raped me. I can't just tell her it was ok to do that. I need her to understand what she is doing._

"_Baby?" I hear her whisper again. "Baby please just look at me." I don't want to but the sorrow I hear in her voice is making it so hard not to. _

_She kneels down in front of me and dips her head so that she is looking me in they eye. I quickly avert my gaze again because I cannot stand to see so much pain behind those amazing brown orbs and I know if I look in them I will loose my little bit of control I have._

_I hear her sigh, and I can see out the corner of my eye that she has dropped her head in defeat of getting me to look at her._

"_I am so, so sorry Spence. I know that sorry is not going to cut it this time, but it's all I have at this moment in time. I don't know how I can make up for what I did. I get that you can't look at me. I can't even look at myself in the mirror. You're disgusted with me, and I am so fucking disgusted with myself." Her voice starts to tremor. "I understand you not wanting to speak to me. I will stay at the hotel for as long as you want me to. I just had to come by to get some more clothes and stuff and to say sorry, even though I know it is never going to be enough I still had to come and say it." I hear her take in a big shaky breath. "I shouldn't have tried to use sex to stop you from being mad at me. And I should have fucking listened to what you were saying. I especially should have listened for no. Just because you don't usually say it doesn't mean you wouldn't have said it this time, and I should have been fucking listening for it. I almost raped you." That last part comes out as a sob. I cannot help but lift my head to look at her. She has her head down, but I can see the tears falling from her face and dripping on to her shirt. She must feel my eyes on her because she looks up and blue meets brown again. I don't look away this time. The amount of pain and sadness I see there makes the tears I have been holding in start to fall._

"_I…" she takes a breath to try and get her voice to be less shaky. "I almost raped you Spence. How fucked up is that? I almost raped my own fucking wife. The person I love so fucking much I almost did something sickening too. When I said goodbye to the twins and got outside, I realized what I almost did, I felt sick to my stomach, in fact I was physically ill. I mean how could I do that? How could I force myself on you like that? I hate myself right now, and I understand if you do to. I mean why wouldn't you?"_

"_I don't hate you."_

"_What?" she sounds shocked. _

"_I don't hate you. You hurt me Ash. You hurt me so bad. Between everything you have done these past few months, nothing hurt me like what you did last night." she removes her eyes from mine and looks as the ground. "Look at me Ash." She quickly snaps her gaze up to meet mine. "You don't have the right to look away."_

"_Sorry."_

"_Stop saying your fucking sorry Ash. I am sick of hearing you say sorry. If you are so sorry about hurting me all the time why do you do it?"_

"_I don't mean to. You know I would never hurt you on purpose." I used to think she wouldn't but I just don't know anymore._

"_You don't mean to? So explain to me then why you have been coming home drunk every night when you know it was upsetting me?"_

"_I didn't mean to come home drunk. I only went out for one or two but the guys just kept buying me more drinks."_

"_For fuck sakes Ash you are a grown woman. Just say no, but I forgot you don't seem to know the meaning of that word do you?" I shouldn't have said that. She physically recoiled as if I had just slapped her in the face. "I shouldn't have said that."_

"_Yes you should have. I deserve what ever you say or do Spence after what I did."_

"_Maybe so, but I still shouldn't have said it."_

"_How can you be sitting there talking to me so calm after what I did to you?"_

"_What else do you want me to do Ash?"_

"_I don't know!" she starts to raise her voice slightly. "Shout at me, hit me. Do something."_

"_And what will that solve huh Ash? What is me hitting you going to solve?!" I ask raising my voice._

"_I don't know." she whispers._

"_Nothing Ash. It will solve nothing."_

"_But I deserve it for what I did!" she shouts._

"_I wanted too. I really wanted to hit you last night."_

"_Then why didn't you?"_

"_And bring myself down to your level?"_

"_I'm sorry."_

"_Just stop with the apologies Ash. Just stop doing things that you have to be sorry about."_

"_I will. I promise. I'm not going to go out after work I am going to come home and be with my family."_

"_I hope you keep this promise. I miss you Ash." my tears start to fall again. "Your right there but you might as well be a million miles away. I miss my wife. So please come back to me. I hate what you are becoming Ash. I don't know how much longer I am going to put up with this. I won't let the twins grow up around all of this."_

_She tentatively reaches out and takes hold of my hand. Her thumb slowly stroking the back of my hand. "I promise Spencer." she lifts my hand to her lips and gently places a kiss on the back of it. "I promise." she says again, and I believe her._

I have had my Ash back for two weeks. It has been two weeks of just being a happy family again. She has been coming home from work early enough to put the twins to bed with me. Despite everything that happened it has been two weeks of bliss. I just pray and hope it lasts.


	5. Chapter 5

"Spencer don't you dare fucking walk away from me!" she yells at me.

"I'm not even going to try and talk to you while you are like this. Go to bed Ash, we will talk in the morning." I turn to walk into the living room.

"I said don't fucking walk away from me!" she yells as she grabs me by the hair and pulls me back.

"OW! Ash don't, please." I say as I she shoves me into the wall causing me to bang my head.

"I told you didn't I! I told you not to walk away from me, but you had to disobey me didn't you! Why do you always piss me off so much? Why do you never do as I tell you?" she screams as she backhands me in the face causing my lip to split.

"I…I…" I stutter, as I can taste the tang of blood in my mouth.

"Fucking answer me!"

"I d…don't mean to."

"But you do! You always fucking do and make it out to be my fault." she yells right into my face as she shakes me violently.

"OW! Ash plea…please stop."

"It's you who fucking makes me like this! Not the alcohol. You! You're the reason I drink! I drink to escape you and those fucking crying kids!"

_I know it's the alcohol. I know she love the kids as much as I do. _

_But they say alcohol causes people to tell the hidden truth. Oh god!_

"Don't say that."

"Why not? It's the truth." she spits out.

"No it's not. It's just the alcohol talking."

"Don't you fucking dare tell me what is and isn't true!" she screams as she slaps me again.

"I'm…I'm sorry. I…I didn't mean t…to." I stutter out. Scared out of my mind.

_She has never been this bad. Please let it end soon._

"You never fucking mean to. Little perfect Spencer."

"Ash stop this please."

"I'm not the one that needs to stop Spencer, YOU ARE!" she shoves me again making me bang my head harder on the wall this time.

"What do I need to stop Ash? Caring about you? Loving you? Because if that is what you want you are going the right way about it." I manage to say without stuttering.

She grabs me by the face, squeezing hard; I can feel her nails bite into my face. "Get out of my fucking sight!" she screams as she pushes me away using my face as leverage.

I walk into the living room and fall to the floor in front of the sofa before breaking down in tears.

_She has never been this bad. I don't know how I'm going to hide it this time. There is no way I am going to be able to cover the bruises up I'm sure to have in the morning._

_I need to get the kids out of here for a while. I don't want them around her when she is like this. I wonder if I can get Kyla to look after them? I don't want to have to explain to my parents_

"**Hello?" I hear as a groggy reply.**

"Hey Kyla." I try to sound as cheery as I can. Considering my head feels like its been hit with a baseball bat a few times, I have a nice fat lip and some bruising around my eye. In other words, I look like I lost a boxing match.

"**Hey Spence! Calling a little early it's like 8am."**

"I know Ky and I'm sorry but I need to ask you a favor and I needed to do it before Ash wakes up." 'Cause if she wakes up I will no doubt be in for it again.

"**Sure. What is it?"**

"Can you look after the kids for me for a day or two? I'd ask my parents but I don't want them to know what's going on."

"**What's wrong Spence?" why did I think I could do this without her asking questions?**

"Me and Ash are just having a few problems and I don't want the kids around when we are fighting." I don't want them to see her hit me.

"**Ok. Do you want me to come pick them up or you going to drop them off?"**

"I will drop them off in about 20 minutes if that is ok?"

"**Yeah that's fine."**

"Thanks Ky. I will see you in a few."

"**Ok. Bye Spence."**

"Bye." hanging up and quickly grabbing the twins and theirs bags, I load them in the car.

"Hey Sp…What the hell happened?" she asks in a gasp as she gets a look at my face.

"Can we come in?"

"Of course. Sorry."

"Thanks."

"Now will you tell me what the hell happened?"

"It's nothing." Ha nothing. I'm only a victim of domestic violence and I say nothing.

"Don't give me that. You look like you where at the losing end of a boxing match. Did Ash do this?" I'm going to have to tell her.

"Are you sure you don't mind looking after them for a day or two? I packed all the stuff they will need."

"Of course not. And don't change the subject Spence! Did Ash do this?" she asks as she gently touches my cheek.

"Yes." I breathe out as I look away.

"I am going to fucking kill her!" she growls out.

"Ky it's fine, don't. She was drunk as usual. I just want to be able to talk to her without the kids around."

"As usual? What do you mean as usual? Has she done this before?"

"Ky just leave it. Please." I really don't want to get into this.

"Spencer has she hit you before?" she's not going to drop it until I answer. She's like a dog with a bone.

"Yes she has." I swear this is going to be the last time though.

"Spence why don't you stay here and let me talk to her?" yea Ash would love that.

"No Ky. It's fine. I need to talk to her. I'm giving her one last chance. Then I am done. I won't be an abuse statistic, and I will not bring the kids up in that environment."

"From what I see she doesn't deserve anymore chances."

"I love her Ky. I can't just give up but this is the last chance."

"She doesn't deserve it!" she growls out.

"Ky please."

"No! She lost the right to have chances the first time she laid a finger on you in any way other than love!"

"It's the last one. I mean it. No more." and I do. She hits me one more time and the kids and I are gone.

"I really hope you mean that Spence."

"I do. But please don't tell anyone. Please." I beg.

"I won't. I swear though Spence if I find out she hits you again and you don't leave I will tell."

"I will leave. I honestly mean it."

"I really hope you do. I love you like a sister Spence and as much as I love my sister I refuse to let her destroy you as well as herself."

"I love you too. I better get back." and pray she doesn't blow her last chance when she finds out I have been to Kyla's.

"I'll see you soon Spence. Promise me you will keep in touch because I swear Spence if I don't hear from you, I will tell your parents what is going on."

"I will. I will call you in the morning. I promise."

"Ok. See you soon Spence." she says as she gently gives me a hug.

"You will. Bye Ky."

After a quick goodbye to the twins, I'm back in the car heading to the house praying she has sobered up from before.

_I really want to give her a chance. I don't want to end it, but I will if I have to._

_Please don't blow this Ash. Show me you can go back to the loving caring woman I fell in love with._


	6. Chapter 6

Walking back in the front door praying Ash is still in bed, I really don't want to face her just yet. Especially when she realizes the kids are not here.

I breathe a sigh of relief when I walk in to the living room and it is all quiet.

Sitting down on the sofa I start to reflect on everything that has happened. How did I end up here?

"So you're finally back."

I jump as I hear the words spat out from behind me.

"You scared me, Ash."

"Where the hell have you been, Spencer?"

"I took the kids to Kyla's."

"Are you fucking stupid?" She screams as she grabs me and yanks me off the sofa.

"Spencer! What the fuck did you tell her?"

"Nothing."

"Don't lie to me, Spencer. I'm not fucking stupid. No way in hell did you turn up at Ky's looking like that without her asking fucking questions!"

"I told her I was mugged."

"You're fucking lying!"

"I'm not, Ash. You really think that if I told her the truth, she would let me come back here?"

"She wouldn't fucking believe you anyway!" She spits as she shoves me back on to the sofa before storming upstairs.

Laying down on the couch as I feel the tears start to flow.

What am I supposed to do?

Closing my eyes, I start to drift off to memories of how it used to be.

_It's a warm sunny day. Ash and I are walking down the beach hand in hand. Just talking and laughing, just enjoying being together. _

_The cold surf runs over our feet as we walk towards our spot at the foot of the cliff. It is our favourite spot where we could just be alone together. We ended up here on our first date and we've been back ever since._

_Reaching our spot, we sit down. Ash sat behind me while I sat in between her legs. Her arms wrapped around me, holding me tight. I always want it to be like this._

_Saying nothing, we both just sit there content in each others company as we watch the sun start to set. The glow of the setting sun only adding to the beauty of the view._

_Ash is the first to break the silence._

"_What do you see when you think of the future Spence?__"_

_Without hesitation I answer. __"__You and me married with two kids and just being happy.__"_

"_Me too Spence.__"_

_The comfortable silence overtakes us again as we both continue to watch the sunset._

_Long moments pass and I feel Ash fidgeting behind me. __"__You ok Ash?__"_

"_Perfect.__"_

_All of a sudden Ash holds a small box out in front of me._

"_Ash what…__"_

"_Open it.__"__ She whispers in my ear._

_Taking the box I open it to reveal a ring glinting in the last ruminants of the day__'__s sun. _

"_Marry me Spence?__"__ Is whispered in my ear._

_I__'__m in shock, I open my mouth to give her the answer I know she wants but all I can do is move my mouth like a fish, open and closed open and closed, no sound is coming out what-so-ever._

_I must have been quiet for a long time because Ash is now in front of me, brushing away tears I didn__'__t know where falling._

"_Spence, are you ok?__"__ I can hear how nervous she is by the tone of her voice._

"_I__'__m ok Ash.__"_

"_Uhm you kinda didn__'__t answer my que-…__"_

_I don__'__t give her chance to finish as I throw myself in to her arms knocking her back on to the sand._

_She starts giggling as we land in a heap._

_I start kissing her with all the love that I can possibly muster._

"_Spence, you still haven't answered my question.__"__ She manages to get out between kisses._

_Pulling back to answer I scream "YES" as loud as I can._

_All she does is smile her big nose-crinkling smile, and I can see all the love she has for me behind those hazel eyes._

_I know from this day forward my life is going to be more perfect that I could ever imagine._

Slowly waking up all I can think is how wrong I was that day.

I have been asleep for a lot longer than I thought because the sun has started to set.

Sitting up I wonder were Ash is, and then I hear the door to our bedroom close.

I contemplate going up and trying to talk to her.

I probably should since we need to talk before the kids get home in a day or two.

Taking a deep breath I head towards the stairs and slowly start to climb them. Reaching the top I head towards our bedroom, pausing briefly before opening the door. She isn't in the bedroom so I check the bathroom and what I see angers me instantly.

"You cannot be serious!" I yell.


End file.
